Quotes about/from bosses

"I don't care if you haven't designed the database yet, I want to start data entry today!"

My Boss spent an hour in a management team meeting, the purpose of which was to create a mission statement for our company. Finally he admitted he had no idea what a mission statement was. Then he said, "What the hell do we need one of those for anyway?"

On business trips, my Boss always covers the cost of his mystery novels with fake meal expenses. He says it's perfectly okay because he chews the edge of the books during bad landings.

A quote from the Boss: "If you got it flaunt it, if not lie about it!"

After reprimanding me, my Boss from the Sixties told me I had too much negative energy and a bad aura.

My ex-Boss was quoted as saying "There are three ways of doing this job, your way, my way and God's way. The best way is my way".

My Boss, referring to the newest company propaganda about empowered employees stated, "When you're empowered, I'll let you know."

My technically challenged Boss, showing off his new laptop which has a 1.2 gigabyte hard drive said "Have you seen my new minicomputer? It's got a 1.2 megabyte solid state disk."

My Boss has legally changed her name three times, on the advice of an astrologer, in order to find her "soulmate".

Once a light went off in my Boss' head. He thought it was an idea. It was a warning: 'Impending System Crash...'.

My Boss is the National Sales Manager for a network of office parks. For his birthday we bought him a hat that read across the front: "Space Available". He loved it!

My Boss of 12 years was transferred to the West Coast. Upon seeing him a year later in our Head Office he returned my greeting with "Its nice to meet you".

Comment during my performance review: I know you work for me and you are very busy all day, but what do you do??

Quote from gov't agency meeting notes: A "paperless office" does NOT mean the total elimination of paper from the office.

My company is like a sinking ship, and management is still rearranging the deck furniture.

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."

An officer who had been with my department for about six months pointed out a flaw in one of our procedures - and suggested a workable solution. I took his idea to the lieutenant whose response was, "He hasn't been here long enough to have ideas."

Motto for our department: "A simple formula for avoiding confusion is to never let yourself get befuddled by an unclear understanding of what you're mixed up about."

My Boss decided to inform his staff that the company was going to computerize and we would all have to put our data on "sloppy" discs !!!

At our annual planning meeting my Boss said: "I would like some volunteers to head these work groups. I already have some volunteers in mind".

While trying to downplay the complexity of some new corporate strategic initiatives, my Boss stated, "Really guys, this is not ROCK science here".

The engineering company I work for announced a competition to develop a new advertising slogan. My Boss mandated a submission from each of his employees. My suggestion: "Using yesterdays technology to solve today's problems, tomorrow." (Sounds like Microsoft!)

My Boss was concerned that I did not act as frantically as he did. He said "If you can keep a cool head in these times perhaps you just don't understand the situation!"

My Boss feels a need to "talk intelligent" because she doesn't have a college degree. Recently, after interviewing potential new hires she said "Kids these days come out of college with lots of knowledge, but very little work ethnic."

My firm's "new age" management program means hiring younger Bosses at lower pay.

I believe the managers in my office fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down!!

After experiencing delays during a major upgrade to the corporate network, the manager of the MIS group wanted an explanation. When I told him that we were experiencing problems with the new ATM switch, he said "If you needed more money, why didn't you just go to Petty Cash ?"

Recently my Boss gave a co-worker an assignment with no details. When she attempted to ask questions to clarify, he told her that, "In the Army your job is to simply stand up and salute". (We work for an insurance company.)

After years of corporate experience it seems: Any problem can be made absolutely unsolvable if you hold enough meetings to discuss it.

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above"

At my last review, my Boss told me I was too "idealistic". He then asked what actions I would take to address the issue. I told him I would put "grow old and cynical" in my goals for the following year.

Our balding Boss has forbidden the use of the term "receding hairline" in our office. In private, we now refer to his "reclining forehead".

I worked for a Boss who sent a memo to his assistant to investigate the possibility of canceling the fire insurance and buying a used fire truck for the employees to man.

My Boss recently received a bomb threat. The Company reported it to the police but they neglected to inform any of the employees.

The motto of our company newsletter is "We don't lie, the truth changes".

One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow and asked for it!"

My former Boss sent out the following email: "It is important that we consistantly maintain a professional image in internal communication. You technicians are deifinately not using your spell-checker." (Her spelling, not mine).

I recently wrote a macro to speed up the conversion of our electronic document files. After my accomplishment was reported to my Boss, he quipped, "Is that like some kind of pasta?"

I was explaining to my Boss that the network failure had been caused by a disk crash. He turned gray and said "My God, was anyone hurt?"

My Boss recently returned from London with a head cold, which she exaggerated into something more. She went to an allergy specialist who examined her head. When she returned from her doctor's appointment, I jokingly asked whether they found anything. "They are going to let me know tomorrow," she said dull-wittily.

My Boss' comments about empowerment: "Everyone around here is empowered; they just better be damn sure they make the same decisions as I would."

In the army we had a senior NCO we called Strobelight. One minute he was switched on and had brilliant ideas, and the next he was switched off and was spouting nonsense.

A former Boss and head of a publishing company hacked one of my editorial submissions and demanded a rewrite. A few days later I handed him the same story. He said it showed "much improvement."

During my performance evaluation my Boss told me to "work more slowly, and get more things done."

My Boss keeps telling us: "Don't do what I say, do what I think."

My Boss, a zero-personality senior engineer, called me to his office. He said "Look here, I don't need you anymore. Lotus 5.0 can do inverse hyperbolic functions!

We had a series of pay freezes, however our Boss wanted to put a little corporate culture in the announcements. Over time this is how it was presented: pay freeze, pay pause, modified pay pause, then finally the big pay cut.

At a retirement home where I work there is a sign posted in the lunch room which reads: "It is now illegal to harm residents." Does this mean that it used to be OK?

Sign posted above my Boss' desk: Do you want to talk to the guy in charge, or to the Woman who knows what's going on?

Quote from a recent interview: "You are a top flight candidate and I see that you have a lot of education. However, you understand, that intelligence is not really required for this job".

Recent reply from my Boss after I proved his argument was full of holes "I know you're not going to be a yes man, but frankly whatever I say -- goes!"

My Boss, in an effort to impress some visitors said, "Our technology committee doesn't know that much about technology, but they do have vision."

My Boss has a word processing program on his computer, but he still spends hours at the typewriter. What makes this completely ridiculous is his preference for white-out over the correction ribbon.

Shortly after we got a new e-mail package, I overheard my Boss "bragging" to an employee of another agency that our new system "has a special function that allows her to actually sign her name." Funny, but my "signature" function just tacks on additional lines of text at the bottom of an e-mail message.

My Boss was shown a surface imperfection on a product we build; "It's OK!", he said, "It's only cosmetic, nobody's gonna look at it."

My Boss thinks a spreadsheet is what you lay on the grass for a picnic.

I work for a software company and I was telling the president about some complaints a customer had with one of our programs that made it crash repeatedly. The president said "Well, tell the customer it's unrealistic to expect us to produce a bug-free system."

A metaphor from my Boss: "There will be light at the end of the rainbow".

Once when his secretary was out sick, my Boss spent 15 minutes at the network printer trying to make copies.

Motivational quote from my Boss: "You realize if your morale doesn't improve, I can fire you and have a replacement in here doing your job by tomorrow?"

Overheard at lunch: "Well, seven of my Bosses approved it, but there's four more to go."

My Boss is so paranoid of others' qualifications, I'm a summa cum laude graduate and he won't take my word on where to put a comma!

My Boss was speaking at a farewell luncheon for a colleague:"...of course, he's not really leaving us, he's just going away."

I recently heard my Boss ask his secretary if she could print out his voice mail.

As a faculty member at a major university, my department head once sent me an annual evaluation letter that read, "We appreciate all your hard work this year. Your salary next year will reflect a 0% raise."

My last boss was adamant about our company's open-door policy. When I was terminated during a company reorganization, the reason for my dismissal was that I encouraged my employees to tell me their complaints.

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